Powerful men need infant-care experience

Powerful men being powerful, they delegate childcare to others.  Let’s give them some hands-on experience by providing them with infant simulators.

Infant simulators are computerized baby dolls that enable people to practice caring for an infant 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They’re called RealCare Babies. 

During a simulation:

•     RealCare Baby cries for care at all hours, day and night
•     caregiver has to figure out what Baby needs: feeding, burping, rocking, diapering
•     caregiver wears unique wireless ID to ensure accountability
•     RealCare Baby's computer tracks its care and safe handling

Under my modest proposal, powerful men would care for the simulators themselves, and not be allowed to foist the babies off on aides or family members.

After, say, seven days let’s see what Rush Limbaugh, Cardinal Dolan, and all the Republican candidates have to say about forcing every pregnant woman to give birth. And let’s see what the RealCare Babies say about them.

• detailed data is downloaded after the simulation, including exact times of missed care & specific mishandling—Shaken Baby, head support failure, wrong positioning and rough handling

Yes, this plan would be expensive, but the media attention it drew would be priceless.  Imagine a haggard Mitt Romney stumbling to the dais after several constantly-interrupted nights.  (I don’t imagine that sleep deprivation would make a huge difference to Rush Limbaugh’s performance.)

For added verisimilitude, we can provide them the infants the mothers and doctors might have preferred to abort.   RealCare Special Needs babies include tracheostomy tubes and suction catheters, gastrostomy tubes, nasogastric tubes, and urethral catheters.

Then let’s see what these men have to say about the importance of contraceptive choice.